Friday, May 13, 2011

See, Mom, people like me!

My mom does this thing where she acts all conspiratorial with Bob as if they both know how hard it is to put up with me. Like I am some hard-to-please diva that they walk on egg shells to please, but they do it because they love me. Mom will say some ridiculous thing like she had me for 20 years and now I am Bob's problem. I'm not sure this passing of the baton analogy is very accurate. It's not like my parents were taking care of me when we started dating. I hadn't even been in the same state as them for a decade. And, I'm rather independent.

But, has it escaped anybody's notice I'm rather tolerant of my husband's junk collecting? I had proposed a moratorium on buying any vehicles while he was home for three weeks on paternity leave. He rejected that idea ("Nicole, all the deals go on here while people are working"). He bought at a rate of more than once a week. He even bought a boat back we had previously owned. Too small for our family, parked in our tiny driveway, needing to be re-fininshed, nonetheless.

But, really, who cares? As long as he helps around the house and with the kids, he can have his hobbies.

So last week a co-worker of Bob's is over. I offer and bring him a beer. He says his wife never has brought him a drink in all their years of marriage. (I probably do that once a night!) Later, he says, "Bob, we should go on that show where they both trade wives, but we both get her!" I should have got him on the phone to share that accolade with my mother, but that'd be pretty weird, right?

Later in the week, this guy brings his wife over while I am gone. He wants to show her some of Bob's treasures. Bob says she is disinterested at best. I'm like, of course she is. Most women don't put up with your nonsense. They don't like the guys that give their husbands dumb ideas or encourage them to buy stuff. And they really don't like wives like me who let that crap fly.

See, mom, I am a catch!


  1. Too funny!!!! Hilarious about buying back a boat, it's like when people get divorced and then get married again to the same person they divorced. Like, wasn't there a reason you got the divorce in the first place?

    I think Bob should feel very fortunate that he has you as a wife.

  2. Our next door neighbors are divorced/remarried to each other.